Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Thoughts on Time

The Philippines have their summer holidays this month and obviously that also means the end of another school year. I have studied in a university in the Philippines for my first year of high school and I have made such wonderful friends before I migrated to Ireland. This year, said friends will be graduating from high school (in the Philippines, you graduate at 4th year, around 15/16), and making their way to college.

This is something that has been sitting in my mind since three years ago, when my friends started 2nd year and I was in first year in Ireland, but this is the first time I am trying to gather these thoughts in a more concrete way. This is a subject that is really hard to talk about for me because I am feeling its presence a lot more than before, if you get that. It's Time.

When I was in first year, the thought of being a fourth year was something that is almost unattainable. I thought of it as a feat, a door to adulthood. Seeing my friends, the people I have known and the people I have loved, cross that door is so... breathtakingly painful. It's like seeing them walk right past me on their way through life and I am just standing here, frozen. Unable to move and unable to stop them from growing up. Unable to be the catcher in the rye. I think this is one of the reasons why I love that book and Holden Caulfield as a character so much. It's because in some small way, I know what he is saying. I share his fear of the future and of responsibilities.

I don't really know how to end this post. I guess I just wanted to voice out this fear because for some reason, I feel that it would be easier to deal with that way.

Now I know what a boggart would turn to if I were to face one.

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