I turned sixteen five days ago.
If you've read this post then you'd know what my thoughts on "growing up" are. I know that sixteen isn't really considered a "grown-up" age, but when I was younger, I always looked up to people who were around sixteen, and I would say I looked up to them even more than I would to some of the adults in my life... it's hard to explain why. I remember there were just this aura to them. The aura of knowing things, I suppose, and at the same time of still figuring things out. The aura of being recent, being in-tune to what is happening in the world, to whatever trends were in at the time. Looking back now, I think it was the idea of being young, but not too young, that drawn me to them. I know it's very odd, and now that I've grown up and am at that age, I've realised that that mindset is wrong, that there is nothing special to an age-it's just a number, that a fourteen year-old can be just as wise as a forty year old. The only problem is I still can't erase that image of that sixteen year old in my head. Young and -God, I'm sorry I'm being so cliche here- Infinite. And I don't fit in that image of a sixteen year old.
I feel like I should be doing things.
I feel like I should be sneaking out at night, going to parties, making memories. I feel like I should be buying cheap beer in the supermarkets and hanging out with my closest friends, talking about nothing and everything for hours. I feel like I should be taking lots and lots and lots of pictures in my camera. I feel like I should be lying on the floor of my room, looking up the ceiling, and listening to some sad indie music in my denim shorts and tie-dyed shirt. And yes, I know this is so stereotypical and even a tad discriminative of me, but, it just makes me worry. What if I'm not doing enough?
I want to be able to look back on these years and remember the rollercoaster feel of the time I've had. And I mean, I have made great memories. I have friends and a Friend who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world, and we've had amazing times with each other. But I just wonder if I'm making the most out of my youth. I wonder if this is enough. I'm sure that I would make more memories as I grow older but I'm already half-way through my teenage years and I'm not sure if I've lived in it enough...
Friday, October 26, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
I've been neglecting this blog.
I thought it was just writer’s block. But I just realized that it’s not. I have had so many things that I could've written about in the past couple of months. No, it’s not writer’s block. It’s something worse than that. It’s loss of interest.
I've been doing this for the past three years and I have never experienced such disinterest in my own blog before, and for such a long time, too. Which is sad, because I don’t want to stop writing my stories and my experiences in here just yet. I don’t want to stop sharing bits and pieces of my life with people who are interested. I have more stories to tell.
So in an attempt to get myself motivated in writing again, I am making changes in this blog. I'm not quite sure yet, though… Maybe a change in appearance, or maybe I’d introduce a couple of weekly posts. But things are going to change, one way or another.
I just thought I'd warn you guys about it. :)
I'll see you all next week... hopefully.
Have a good day!