Friday, October 26, 2012

Late Night Ramblings

I turned sixteen five days ago.

It's crazy.

If you've read this post then you'd know what my thoughts on "growing up" are. I know that sixteen isn't really considered a "grown-up" age, but when I was younger, I always looked up to people who were around sixteen, and I would say I looked up to them even more than I would to some of the adults in my life... it's hard to explain why. I remember there were just this aura to them. The aura of knowing things, I suppose, and at the same time of still figuring things out. The aura of being recent, being in-tune to what is happening in the world, to whatever trends were in at the time. Looking back now, I think it was the idea of being young, but not too young, that drawn me to them. I know it's very odd, and now that I've grown up and am at that age, I've realised that that mindset is wrong, that there is nothing special to an age-it's just a number, that a fourteen year-old can be just as wise as a forty year old. The only problem is I still can't erase that image of that sixteen year old in my head. Young and -God, I'm sorry I'm being so cliche here- Infinite. And I don't fit in that image of a sixteen year old.

I feel like I should be doing things.

I feel like I should be sneaking out at night, going to parties, making memories. I feel like I should be buying cheap beer in the supermarkets and hanging out with my closest friends, talking about nothing and everything for hours. I feel like I should be taking lots and lots and lots of pictures in my camera. I feel like I should be lying on the floor of my room, looking up the ceiling, and listening to some sad indie music in my denim shorts and tie-dyed shirt. And yes, I know this is so stereotypical and even a tad discriminative of me, but, it just makes me worry. What if I'm not doing enough?

I want to be able to look back on these years and remember the rollercoaster feel of the time I've had. And I mean, I have made great memories. I have friends and a Friend who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world, and we've had amazing times with each other. But I just wonder if I'm making the most out of my youth. I wonder if this is enough. I'm sure that I would make more memories as I grow older but I'm already half-way through my teenage years and I'm not sure if I've lived in it enough...

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